I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
