She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
