I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I bet he comes in French.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
