Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
