I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
