i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You need a sexual gate keeper
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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