I smell stomach acid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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