I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I cut my penus on the lid.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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