did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
