I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
