I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
