yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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