If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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