you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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