I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
