i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
