I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
