that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
