I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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