There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
birth control should be required to get into college
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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