I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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