i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As shirtless as possible
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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