I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
