i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
