If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
