Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
