I think I died a long time ago.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Of course I have a pirate flag
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
