Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
