just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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