Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
