She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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