things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
