i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
