found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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