So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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