I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
