i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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