Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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