Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
