Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
