i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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