and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
