i just had sex bonerless
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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