Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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