Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
