We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
