Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
