i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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