So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
