your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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