i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
