Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
