oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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