My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
