Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
