You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
