Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
