I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
