garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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