Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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