you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
