omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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