sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
