That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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