Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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