Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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