Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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