I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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