It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
