This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
