I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
