my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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