there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You dont lie about slip and slides
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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