oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
