I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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