but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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