Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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