I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
